No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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