Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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