We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
