At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
