Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
