Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
