You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
