Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
