ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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