I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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