like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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