a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
