Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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