Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
