Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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