I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
