2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
