i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
