Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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