Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You are a genius and a whore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
