I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
