drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
