Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
