I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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