a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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