I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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