You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
