i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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