do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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