is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So much rum. So many feels.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
