this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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