u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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