Can i not drive my cunt home
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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