Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
