Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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