Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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