So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
