I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
