Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
