dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
