The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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