Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
