just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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