There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
