oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
