I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
