I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
