Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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