just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
