Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
