Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
