i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
