Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
false alarm. still invincible.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
