it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
