lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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