i don't like sucking hair
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
