Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
