super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
