Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i think i have two assholes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
