fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
