If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
