I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize