I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
