we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
