I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
