i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
