I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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