please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
