Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
