Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize