I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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